Are you tired of the casual dating scene? Ready to settle down and find that special someone to build a life with, start a family and drive your Volvo Estate down to see the grandparents? Then why not really look into courting vs. dating and see if courting is the answer you’ve been looking for?
I know what you’re thinking – courting is a thing they used to do way back in the 18th Century… They didn’t have bars to meet potential singles at, or have the wonderful world wide web and all the dating websites and apps that have come from it.
With all the freedom that has come with new age technology, casual dating has become the most prominent way of getting to know someone. However, the concept of courting is still very strong in today’s society, with many people choosing courting vs dating.
Sure, dating may be a quicker, easier and more impulsive way to meet someone, but many may say it takes the true romance out of initiating a relationship. If you are one of those people, then it may be time to take a bit of a break from dating and give courtship a go.
What does it mean to court someone?
Before we get into the reasons why you should give courting a go, let’s clarify and really look at what is courting and what does it mean to court someone. The definition of “Courting” describes a period of time before which two individuals enter into a relationship. This was, as mentioned before, the standard way of pursuing someone in the 1800s with the intention of marriage.
Some may associate courtship with religious practices, but courting was not born out of any religious beliefs. Moreover, it can vary in meaning and have very different things in various cultures.
So, courting someone is simply taking time before the relationship to get to know one another. This can be by chatting and exchanging gifts whilst keeping a respectful distance with very little, if any, physical intimacy.
In the past, courting has heavily been considered to be the male pursuing, or courting, a woman. However, this is 2020, so thankfully initiating a courting period with someone can be led by whoever.
Now that you have a better understanding of what it means to court someone, here are some more reasons why you should choose courting vs dating. These are especially important if you’re seeking a long-lasting relationship outside of today’s speedy dating culture.
Less chance of short term flings
Have you ever been worried about being completely honest about how you’re really feeling in a relationship? Because of how casual dating is portrayed in TV shows and movies, we have built up an unconscious ‘emotional barrier”. Nowadays, expressing your true feelings may come off as too vulnerable and ‘desperate.’
You fear being mocked and rejected for vocalising your deep feelings, so feel it’s best to just bottle it up to yourself. This isn’t an issue you have to face in courtship. That’s because one of the fundamentals is built on complete honesty and transparency, and that includes any deep feelings you may be developing. This allows you to be on the same page a lot quicker to develop a deeper, longer-lasting connection that can grow from there.
Exclusivity makes you feel safer
One of the unspoken, but very obvious facts of dating is the freedom it gives to get to know multiple people at the same time. Whether you’re dating online or meeting up for dates in person, there is no constraint to limit it to just one person.
Courting, on the other hand, concentrates on just getting to know that one individual. It entails giving them your full attention, time and effort without juggling several others at the same time. You know you are both exclusive to one another without anybody else in the picture.
The exclusivity takes out any feelings of insecurity as to who you may be in competition with for the affection of your respected partner. It also creates a safer space for you to be completely vulnerable and honest about your feelings without the risk of sudden ghosting or heartbreak.
Higher social involvement
One of the major differences between courting vs dating is how quickly you get socially involved with your partner’s family, friends and social circles.
In modern dating you don’t usually meet the parents till later on in the relationship when things have been made a bit more official. When you’re courting someone, however, your intentions are clear from the start and getting to know your significant other’s closest confidants early on is quite normal. This gives a deeper and better insight into your partner’s social life and family dynamics. It also helps in the ultimate decision of whether you’re both suited for one another in the long term future or not.
Going the extra mile
It’s very easy to get comfortable and a bit lazy in the dating phase. After all, you have no obligation or commitment to keep up after the intence “getting to know each other” period. You can easily find yourself in the “messaging a few times a day”, or “meeting up once a week” kind of phase. This isn’t the case in courting. Making the extra effort to go out of your way is an important part of courtship and is one of the biggest differences between dating and courting.
You can surprise them with a small gift, show up to their place of work for a spontaneous lunch, or helping them with a difficult errand. Those are all ways to keep going that extra mile and build up your strong connection during the courting period.
There’s room for a deeper emotional connection
Physical intimacy isn’t a huge thing in the courting phase, as it’s believed to leave sex for the confines of marriage. It’s recommended to put it to the side and not let it consume your mind or energy when getting to know one another. Courtship concentrates on your emotional, mental and social compatibility.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to be physically attracted to someone and have physical compatibility and attraction. However, it shouldn’t be the thing you both concentrate on. Discuss with one another how physical you would want to be in the courting phase to reach a happy medium that you’re both satisfied and comfortable with. View physical intimacy as a bonus, not the goal.
So, there you go! Hopefully, you now have a better understanding of what it means to court someone as well as the real differences between courting vs dating. Now you can choose which one feels right for you. Whatever your choice – make sure it feels natural and comfortable for both of you, and helps your relationship grow.