So you’ve met online and hit it off. A few weeks or months down the line and things seem to be going well. But you know (or find out) that your new guy still checks his dating profile. This can make you question everything about your new relationship – and for good reason.
There are a lot of reasons that could explain why your new guy’s online dating profile is still active. And a pre-warning: they aren’t all good. They include signs he’s talking to another girl, or that he isn’t ready to commit.
We’ve compiled some of the reasons he may be doing this, which will save you from wondering “If he likes me, why is he still online dating?”. You can also find some advice on how to solve this issue because let’s face it, you deserve better.
There could be someone else
The harsh reality could be that you aren’t the only person in his DMs. If you’re just getting to know each other, he may not realise that you’re looking for something a little more. Or you might not have had the exclusivity talk yet.
But, if you’ve been seeing each other for a while, or are in a relationship it’s a different story. If he is still entertaining other people, I have two words for you. Dump. Him.
At the end of the day, when someone likes you, they wouldn’t be actively looking for other people to meet. So he’s either looking to date someone else or he’s found them and is talking to them through his online dating app. So if he is seeing someone else but claiming he likes you, it’s not worth it
He likes the attention
Ah, the ego. No matter how much you may try to deny it, we all love attention. It makes us feel good about ourselves to know that people like us, or think we’re attractive or smart. Attention is a simple thing but can be addictive and hard to give up. And that may be the case here.
The effect of the attention we get from online dating is chemical. Each time we get a match or a message our brains release dopamine that makes us feel good about ourselves. But only for a little while, so you’re prone to craving it as soon as it’s gone. This cycle means that swiping through dating apps can function like a drug. We can become addicted to that amazing feeling of being wanted and attractive.
Perhaps he still checks his dating profile because he’s simply unwilling to let go of that attention from other people..
He’s not ready to commit
We’ve all known a commitment-phobe or two in our time. Keeping his online dating app may show that your new man has a fear of commitment. Keeping his profile active ‘in case’ things don’t work out could be a contingency plan of sorts.
He may be more tentative to get into a relationship if he’s had bad experiences in the past. But it’s still not an excuse to remain active on dating apps and sites.
He doesn’t like you
This is a tough one to even write, let alone accept. Continuing to swipe on dating apps is the clearest of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. If he’s looking for someone else, then you have to consider that he just might not be into you.
This doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough, it’s that you guys aren’t compatible as people. When there isn’t a natural spark or connection between you, things can fizzle out quite quickly. But, having said this, continuing to online date whilst seeing someone is not a solution to this.
You haven’t had the exclusivity talk yet
Your new guy might be a lot of things, but he won’t be a mindreader. There’s a very real possibility that he’s on dating apps still because you’ve not had ‘the talk’ yet.
It’s true that without the ‘talk’, you don’t technically owe each other loyalty. But continuing online dating can be one of the signs he’s keeping his options open. In an ideal world, you would naturally stop seeing other people because things are going well. But unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
Men aren’t always great at taking hints. So if you’re thinking of taking the subtle approach to discussing exclusivity, don’t. The best way forward is to address your relationship head-on. Make it clear if you want to be exclusive, and then see how he responds. If he feels the same way as you but didn’t know how to bring it up, then great. If he doesn’t want to be exclusive and you aren’t on the same page, then do yourself a favour and call it quits.
What should I do if he still checks his dating profile?
Now you know why he’s still online dating, the next step is to take action. No matter the reason, if he likes you (and I mean really likes you) he won’t feel the need to keep his online dating apps. Here’s a few things you can do to nip this issue in the bud.
Ask him about it! If he’s scared of rejection or things ending – communication can clear those worries up. Tell him how you feel about him, and it might give him the reassurance he needs to delete his dating apps for good.
Make it clear what you want. If you aren’t okay with the fact that his online dating profile is still active, he needs to know. You can save yourself a lot of time and potential heartbreak by setting clear boundaries. If he wants to continue online dating, then he has to do it alone.
Don’t be his second option while he searches for the one. If your guy is still online dating while seeing you, it may be best to cut ties altogether. You deserve to be respected and if he still wants to swipe for love, let him do it far from you.
Even with all the excuses in the world, the bottom line is if you truly like someone, you wouldn’t want to:
- Keep your options open
- Be scared of committing
- Be dating/seeing anybody else
- All of the above
So do yourself a favour and take action. Listen to your gut feeling and call him out. It could end up with a well-needed conversation that snaps him out of careless behaviour. Or it could be a wake-up call to you to demand better.