We’re taught the rules of hetero dating from an early age. And when you realise you’re gay, a lot of that stuff goes out the window.
Lesbian dating culture is, by its very nature, somewhat elusive. Combine that with a pretty heteronormative, dog-eat-dog world, and it’s easy to see why many lesbians feel clueless about where love may lie for them. The last thing you want to feel going into the dating scene is anxious! But don’t worry. Miingle have got this.
1) Know where to meet girls
Where do these mythical creatures known as lesbians congregate? Well, in short — anywhere!
Sure, lesbians might be a little elusive and tough to seek out, especially if you live in a small town, but they are out there. If you have a lesbian friend, recruit her as your dedicated wingwoman and mentor. Is there a lesbian at work you’ve not had the pleasure of becoming acquainted with? Don’t be shy! Let her know you’re part of the tribe and ask if you can pal up next time she’s out.
Alternatively, go to a gay bar. If you don’t have one in town, get Googlin’ and see if there’s a lesbian night nearby. If you can’t find anyone to go with, sod ‘em — go anyway! After all, who can resist a mysterious girl flying solo at the bar? Independence is sexy as hell.
And how about getting online? Online dating is flippin’ great as a lesbian. You get to rigorously check that hot girl out for any potential character flaws without even meeting up! What’s more, you know she’s gay (or at least looking for girl-on-girl action). That’s the kind of confirmation you don’t have out in the real world, and it means you don’t have to worry about it and can focus on the fun stuff: getting to know her.
2) Get ready to be your best
Okay, so you’ve nailed the time and date of your romantic rendezvous! But in order to make it the best night possible, you’ve got to take your A game.
Make sure you ask her all about herself. People love to share and feel special. Plus, you’ll find out what’s important to her, what she loves spending her time doing, and you’ll be able to find common ground pretty darn quickly. If she asks you something, remember your follow-up question for her.
Don’t overshare. Don’t talk about your exes. No girl wants to feel like they’re some strange parable for the things you actually desire in a partner. Don’t be awkward; be honest and tell her that you’re really enjoying the date. And for God’s sake give her some compliments! It’s doesn’t have to be Dickens; just tell her how much fun she is, how interesting, how beautiful, and watch that smile stretch from ear to ear!
3) Don’t be afraid to jump into bed
One of the really fantastic things about lesbian culture is that there’s nowhere near as much slut shaming as in the heterosexual world. If you’re comfortable, feeling the chemistry and up for it, why not? Do what feels right and embrace your sexual identity. When you do, you open a Pandora’s box of amazing experiences out there waiting for you.
4) Pick up the bill
If you’ve gone for dinner, it’s a good idea to pay the tab, especially if you did the asking out. In hetero relationships, the old cliché is that the man pays. That doesn’t translate in lesbian dating, so what are you meant to do?
For one, you don’t want to look cheap. Firstly, of course, make sure you’re going somewhere where you can afford to pick up the bill if your date agrees, but remember too that it’s the thought that counts. Generosity is sexy as hell. Plus, splitting the tab can easily descend into boring admin, which is wildly unromantic.
Going Dutch might just blur the lines between whether this is a date or whether this is just a particularly intense friendship. Make it clear that that isn’t the case by at least being prepared to pay it all, regardless of whether or not you actually do end up doing so. (But do insist. She wants to know you’re a woman who knows her own mind!) And finally, if she insists on paying, let her! Everyone deserves to be treated. Hopefully this means she wants to meet again. Then you can pick up the bill!
5) Be available on text
It’s a great idea to call or text the night after your date to tell her you had a really great time. (That is, if you’re not just telling her face-to-face in bed over a freshly brewed Brazilian roast after a night of passion.) Show that you’ve got your head in the game when it comes to communication and that you’re thinking about her, too. Demonstrating your availability for texting lets her know that she can message you in the future without worrying that she’s disturbing or pestering you. This in turn sets the ball rolling for the dynamic you want to develop with her.
Be yourself and you’ll be amazed at the results!
You’re at your most alluring, your most sexy, your most powerful, when you are owning your personality and utterly embracing whom you are. Show your girl that you’re unafraid to have your own thoughts and opinions and that you have a deep desire to spend time with her and get to know her. Listen to her, respect her opinions and let her know how special you think she is. You’ve got this, sister!