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What We Can Learn About Dating From These LGBTQ+ Icons

We’d like to wish our LGBTQ+ Miinglers a very Happy Pride Month!

Navigating the world of dating can be a real rollercoaster, especially for the LGBTQ+ community, and we could all use some good old dating advice sometimes. So in honour of Pride 2020, we’ve compiled some of the best dating advice from LGBTQ+ icons, both past and present. You’re welcome in advance, Miinglers!


“I can’t be there for other people unless I’m there for myself… By investing in yourself you’re also investing in your community. “ – Dior Vargas

Dior Vargas is an American queer Latina mental health advocate and activist. She has tirelessly supported marginalised communities throughout her career and is the founder of the People of Color and Mental Illness Photo Project. 

Her words give us all a well-needed reminder that looking after ourselves is the most important thing when it comes to love. We cannot pour from an empty cup. So we need to ensure that self-care is a priority, especially when it comes to dating. If we hope to find someone to love and care for, we need to make sure that we’re ready and able to do so without compromising our own selves.


“Hell hath no fury like a drag queen scorned.” – Sylvia Rivera

Sylvia Rivera is a transgender rights activist who was at the Stonewall Rebellion in 1969. Her strength and bravery throughout her career as an activist is enough to bring our the inner-drag queen in all of us. Let this quote remind you of your power, and to not let anyone walk all over you! 


“Everybody’s journey is individual. You don’t know with whom you’re going to fall in love… If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy.” – James Baldwin

James Baldwin was an African-American novelist, playwright, poet, and activist, who addressed themes of masculinity, sexuality, race, and class through his work. His words serve as a great reminder that sexuality is fluid, and operates as a spectrum.

We should always be open to new experiences with new people, because all of our journeys are unique. Love can come to us at any time, in any form, and we just need to know how to accept it.


“I don’t love just men. I love people. It’s not about a gender. It’s just about the spirit that exudes from that other person you’re with.” – Kesha

Pop singer Kesha, famous for her number one hit, “Tik Tok” and many more, identifies as bisexual. We love where she speaks about connecting with people’s spirits, and it shows that how you look truly is only one part of the attraction.

When you’re dating, it’s so important to keep an open mind and to pay close attention to the non-physical connection you have with people you meet. The spiritual, mental and emotional connection you have will form the basis of a strong bond, and therefore, the foundation of a real relationship.


“Extract yourself from anything that’s toxic. Change the narrative of, ‘I need the love of people, my mother, my father, my family to exist on the planet’. No! We don’t need acceptance, we don’t need tolerance, we need respect for our humanity. We demand respect for our humanity and we will give respect for everyone else so that we can all move forward.” – Billy Porter

Billy Porter is a gay African-American Broadway theatre performer, singer, and actor. His powerful words perfectly capture the importance of respect in all areas of our lives.

Cultivating a positive environment around you means having boundaries and demanding respect from those you allow into your life. And this couldn’t be more important when it comes to dating. Invest your time in people who make you feel comfortable, respected and uplifted. If they don’t respect your identity or boundaries, then they don’t deserve a second longer of your time. 


“If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” – Ru Paul

The ultimate drag queen famous for his iconic drag show, Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Ru Paul reminds us that self-love is not just something to aim for, but a very real necessity for any relationship.

Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. So if you don’t love yourself, you’ll be vulnerable to accepting the love and attention of someone who won’t treat you right. Self-love is most definitely the best love.


“If I wait for someone else to validate my existence, it will mean that I am shortchanging myself.” – Zanele Muholi 

Zanele is a Black lesbian South African photographer and visual LGBTQ activist. Her words are a welcome reminder that we don’t do ourselves any favours begging for the attention or validation of others.

We cannot wait for others to decide that we are worthy in order to live our best lives. Once you accept and love yourself, you will attract those who will also love and accept you. And having healthy boundaries means you’ll be able to see those who don’t, and not allow them into your space.


“What ‘I love you’ really means is ‘I understand you,’ and she loves me for everything that I am.” – Ellen DeGeneres 

Ellen really needs no introduction, but this quote perfectly encapsulates what we’re all looking for when it comes to love. Someone who understands and accepts us for everything that we are, and supports us through life’s ups and downs. 

We hope these quotes have given you some food for thought or a little inspiration in your dating life. For more on LGBTQ+ dating, check out our other LGBTQ+ blogs.

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